I woke up last night and got a bit freaked out about the fact that I had actually posted a before/after photo of myself on this web site. Eh, I shouldn’t say freaked out. I guess it was more of a, “Have you lost your ever lovin’ mind?” thought. And then I got over myself and went back to sleep. It is what it is, I look like I do when I do, and God bless all the little children who have ugly mothers. Amen.
Real
ly, it annoys me that I act like I have multiple personalities when it comes to things like appearance. One time I could give two shits about what people think of me and the next minute I’m all, “OH, HELL NO. Do not walk out of this house looking like that!” I know that I was brought up by a mother who only wore a dress and the occasional lipstick when she set out for church on Sunday. Trust me when I say that my mom is totally not into the whole beauty regimen thing. My mother would on occasion put her shake ‘n baked permed hair up in rollers, but that was only so she could throw the dryer over her head and take a nap. When you’re raising four kids, that rolling of the hair and napping was a necessity (although it doesn’t appear to have helped her sanity any, heh). How she had a daughter like me, that uses as much product as I do, is beyond reality.
My paternal grandmother was big on appearances, but she was also old school. Powder, lipstick, cream rinse, pantyhose, etc. She was very proud of the fact that her hair never started really greying until late in life and she never had to color it. It wasn’t until I was an adult that she showed me that she wore pads in her bra to make like she had a minimal amount of rack. Imagine my shock and also how impressed I was that they had these things! This is also a woman who was not allowed to wear pants until she was in her late 60s because of her husband and one son. Many a day was spent toiling in a garden wearing a cotton dress with thin white socks (or her pantyhose rolled down) and shoes with heels because that was expected of her. FUCK.THAT.NOISE.
I’ve always loved playing with make-up and my mom was too busy working to notice that I was in 4th grade looking like a fool with my 15 coats of mascara all over my eyes. My favorite place in the world to visit was the drugstore because of all the beauty products. When I went to work with my mother at the gas station I always ended up hanging out at the damn drugstore, staring at the nail polish colors or trying to take in what all the different products were for. I truly had no idea what the hell I was doing with make-up and was in my 30′s when I finally realized what a friend meant when she told me I should blend my eye-shadow. There are still days that I don’t bother blending it because hello, I’m wearing glasses and it will save me two seconds if I don’t bother! It also took me years to learn that less is more. I was all about the excessive hooker face and the clown blush still occasionally makes an appearance.
I do have a point to this story. I think. But I’ll be damned if I can remember what it was. Let me go back and re-read a second. Oh, yeah. My point is that sometimes I act like I care and sometimes I don’t. But I think the dominant personality is (oh, to be a Gemini!) the one that would prefer to put her best face forward at all times. Even if Gemini #2 is a lazy slobetta that is okay with going a whole weekend minus a shower. It helps my self-confidence when I feel like I’m not showing the world that I don’t sleep well at night.
That was my point, I guess. Who the f*ck knows. I’m rambling. Again.
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Regarding the archives that are burned on old CDs. OHMYHELL. I started to read a few more of them last night and seriously, I don’t think I can post them for a number of reasons.
1. They’re ridiculous. I was obviously losing my mind while I was typing those entries and I’m kind of embarrassed by them.
2. I spent an ungodly amount of HTML defending my actions about everything. I’ve always been a fighter, but a lot of the fights I had were pointless and not worth my effort. Although I always said that what people think about my life doesn’t matter, I sure as hell spent a lot of time trying to change their minds. Blech.
3. I was very, very politically incorrect and way too open for my own good.
Sure, the entries have shown how I’ve grown as a person. Which is a good thing because if you’re not evolving as a human being during your lifetime there is no point in living. BUT…I’m not so sure that I want to show the online world how much I’ve grown over time. Those journal entries were seriously meant as a scrapbook for my kids. An insight into their childhood and what I was thinking/doing while they were growing up. It’s all for them and I think I’m going to keep it that way.
I will, however, post pictures and some things that I come across that I feel were amusing.
These were the most recent pictures that made me smile…
My dad with Alex. He was without a doubt the favorite grandchild and I quit apologizing for that a long time ago. I did absolutely nothing to encourage it and I’m actually glad that they were so close. Alex took a mental beating when my dad died and I can’t even imagine what he went through when it happened (I’ve never been close to someone that died when I was a kid).
Me, perfectly posed and lighted for the webcam. I only wish I looked that good in real life. Hee!
We had a deaf pug named Pebbles. She was a good old dog.
Regan and Rick talking about something.
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How did I not know you had a Pug? I might like you a little more now. Maybe
What cookbook is that? It looks familiar.
I am being 100% honest here. When I saw you without makeup – I was shocked. It is just such a different look. But there was nothing bad about it – it was just different than how I am used to seeing you. You do a fabulous job with your makeup. I don’t think that you look over done when you wear makeup and I don’t think you look like a freak or an embarassment without makeup. Take that for what it is worth. I think you are purty either way.
Kelly, it’s the Red Hat Society cookbook – I got it from the library last week.
And Gina, I make sure that very few people see me without makeup so I am not surprised that you were shocked. It’s a HUGE difference.
Cetta, Pebbles passed on a long time ago (as you can tell by the size of Trey in that picture – she was an old dog then).
In all these years, I don’t know if I have ever seen a picture of your Dad. I must be a pretty lame ass friend!
Why are Rick and I sitting on your bed? WTH?
Nance, I too loved the drugstore make-up, and shampoo/hairspray aisles as a kid. I was always in awe by the Lee Press-on Nails, and remember saving my money to buy them and then being disappointed when they wouldn’t stay on. Nowadays Sephora has me mesmerized. I could spend hours and thousands of dollars in Sephora.
I think favorites in families are a natural thing. Some personalities are drawn to each other just like friendships in other parts of life. I was my paternal grandmother’s favorite. I was the oldest grandchild but we got along well and I spent time w/her even as a teenager. Luckily I had her until I was 32. I’ve seen other children lose thier family favorites much younger. The responsibilities of being an oldest are offset by the increased time w/ the older members of the family. My baby brother pointed that out to me when my grandmother died. Your hair and makeup look fabulous in your FOAM. I am jealous of your mad hair skills. I suck at hair-wear it short and easy. I could play w/makeup all day-and LOVED the makeup aisles too, still do-but hair is right up there w/math for me-Fin’ PITA!